So I’ve been stuck to my phone since 9a.m. I usually don’t do this, even in class, I was smiling and giggling. My friend whispered in my ears,

“Babe, wassup? What if Professor Alabi sees you?”

I smiled at her and went back to my phone. I started laughing again, louder this time.

She hit my lap angrily, “Are you alright?!” She was torn between looking at my face and looking forward at the lecturer so she won’t be caught. I laughed at her.

“Who are you chatting with sef?” She asked.

“later”, I whispered. She shook her head.

Of course, this is so unlike me, I hate chatting but my friend isn’t aware I’ve found something higher- Jesse!

Immediately we got to the hostel, I was back on my bed. I had messaged him but he wasn’t online, so I had to hang around the WhatsApp community for a while which is so unlike me. I started replying messages and chatting with even those I didn’t want to because what if he came online just the minute I left, I wondered.

Now, why am I so stuck on the guy?

Number 1: He is so funny *inserts a long and hearty laugh* and sensible and real and christian. I didn’t just meet him though. I’ve always known him but we started chatting on Tuesday at 3.05 p.m. I was wearing a blue top on my black shorts and was walking towards the kitchen when he beeped me. He messaged to ask for more details on a Fellowship program. It’s been three days since we started talking and I must confess: I’m thinking a white gown and a ring already. You can’t blame me! He is so cool!

I’ve been trying to keep my head straight though. So we were discussing a particular topic:

‘Girls and their fantasies of love’

I told him I agree with the fact that we girls expect too much from guys, ‘unrealistic requirements, dreams and fantasies’, that’s how I put it. I knew that would make him like me even more, he would be thinking, ‘Wow…This girl is so mature!’

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like I’m trying to make him like me by lying or saying false things or anything like that but well, a girl’s got to play her cards right, right?

He was typing a message, I smiled.

I started to think about his name, ‘Jesse” I always joke that I like guys with Yoruba names, ‘some’ Yoruba names. They usually seem so cute to me but well, Jesse would still do. I actually think it is also cute, my mouth curved in a smile. The only way I test the cuteness of names is by saying it with a particular baby voice. I would imagine I’m dating the guy and I’m behaving like a baby, the way girls behave to their boyfriends, all cute and stuff, then I’ll say the name, like:

‘Please Jesse, please’ (there’s a way girls do it, then they’ll pout their lips.)

I laughed out loud, “It is cute!” “It is cute!”

Wow! I let out a sigh of relief. Imagine if it was a name like ‘Gbolabo!’ or ‘Sunday!’ Ah! I will just go and kill myself! How does that ever sound cute in the baby ‘girlfriend’ voice, It’s not!

But hollup! Jesse’s surname is actually the bomb!

‘Thompson!’… ‘Thompson!’ Oh my God! How did he get such a surname! I will become ‘Paula Thompson’ ‘Osheey!’, I laughed.

“Really babe!, Stop it’ I reprimanded myself. I paused and continued playing with the name in my head again.

‘Paula Thompson’… ‘Thank you for watching the news, I am Paula Thompson’, I rehearsed and shrieked.

My phone beeped and I jolted out of my thoughts. It was him!

“Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went out and I…’.

I turned my phone over to check if it was really mine. I read the message again,

“Yesterday, my girlfriend and I went out and I wanted to act all gentlemanly and open the car door for her”

I was still confused. I checked the name on the chat list, it read ‘Jesse’.

My phone beeped again, he continued ” She rolled her eyes and she was like ‘what is wrong with my own hand that I can’t open it'” he added the laughing emoji.

I was staring at my phone in shock. I saw that he was still typing.

“I laughed ehn…just when I was trying to be a gentle man, Can you believe it!” he asked.

I dropped my phone and stared at the Ceiling.

Of course, I don’t believe it!

HE HAS A GIRL FRIEND! JESSE HAS A GIRLFRIEND! I picked up my phone and saw more messages from him,

“Are you there” he asked

OFCOURSE, I’M NOT HERE! YOU DUMB ASS POLYGAMIST!

I didn’t say that to him, just in my mind.

I had to type something back to him, I bit my lips,

“Lol…she’s adorable… and mature” I typed back.

“Lol…I know right”, he typed back

YOU KNOW WHAT?! YOU IDIOT!

I was bewildered.

I MEAN, DID HE THINK I’VE BEEN CHATTING WITH HIM SO FREQUENTLY SO I CAN BE HIS ‘FRIEND’?

Okay! Okay! I have no reason to be angry. I know he really didn’t egg me on.  It was just my mind playing it’s tricks on me. He had always been calm; coming online when he wanted to, PROBABLY WHEN HIS RUBBISH GIRLFRIEND WAS ONLINE TOO!

 

‘Okay…Okay…calm down Paula’ I said to myself, the girl has done nothing wrong.

But damn! It felt so real! Like he was the real deal!

I sighed, ‘onto the next one, Jesse isn’t THE ONE, he’s taken!”

Where exactly do I go wrong with this relationship stuff?

Where exactly was I when all the dope guys were getting their girlfriends!😂

WATCH OUT FOR THE SINGLE GIRL’S MOMENTS IN THE NEXT EPISODE!