LETTERS FROM US.

Hello,

It really is all falling apart now.
I know you’ll say everyone goes through these things and many times too, but this is the end. I can feel it
Or rather, I can’t.
I can’t feel anything.
I’m numb, I’m done.

I’ve stared at the Bible and nothing is forth coming. My heart can’t hold scriptures, my head cannot comprehend it.

It’s not making any sense and in case you’ve not noticed: Christianity is done and falling apart. It seems like we are only grasping on to slippery ends. It’s slipping off our fingers. We are only holding on to a faith that is going into extinction. That’s how I feel.

With tears I write this:
Do you know how it feels seeing yourself fall into doubts about your faith, the whole Christian faith and you can’t help it and you’re trying hard and nothing’s happening, which is what makes them damn correct! The atheists!

If God really is, where the hell is he!

Why can’t he come through now, I’m not asking him to come save me from sickness or help me in some material stuff, its my faith I’m talking about here! I’m asking him to come help me believe and he does nothing!
I’m wasted. Bye.

And Oh, some fly, bubbling Christians say it’s wrong of me to feel this way, then they tell a sermon about how God has saved me from sin and so depression is not meant for a Christian and then they add some inspiring words about ‘rising up to your feet’ and speaking in tongues an hour per day and they say with that I’ll be empowered and shake it off.

It’s sad, for how can they understand that this isn’t a mood, that the very faith is being shaken, that I doubt God.
So now, I just keep it all to myself.-Me.

DEAR ME,

Thank you for this letter.
Lol, I know right…
Death seems better in times like this.

To start with, I do not believe Scripture says Christians will not go through times of depression and doubts and falling, and deep falling
And loneliness and doubts.

In fact it seems to me that many times, scripture refers to these moments as the times you are expected to have.

There will be times of waiting. Its been scripted to be.
Times when you’ll WAIT for the Lord to show up. Check the psalms. (I can’t sermonize you, I’m not in good shape either)

It will be important that I say this at this point:
that in these times, though you can’t feel it,
it is because you have been chosen by God that you are able to wait.
CALM DOWN, you need to understand what I’m about to say…

God has predestined you to be his and therefore his eyes are on you and therefore, you will wait. This is not your doing, God is holding on to you.

Many times (more than I ever will be able to count), scripture refers to these times and it is in the conflict of doubts and great troubles that the image of the Lord is forged even harder on your heart.

Jesus had his moments like this too, like in the Gethsemane Garden. And in times like this, it is you holding on that keeps you, just like Jesus was able to say “Nevertheless, not my will but yours be done”. P.S. His pain was not reduced and his doubts were not eclipsed, but he held on to whom His father is; The God who loves the world and therefore chose to slay him(Jesus) and will not relent, the God who will raise him from the dead.

Allow me briefly talk about the issue of our faith fading out.

Yes, it is fading out,
in the hearts of those it is
and it is pleasantly surprisingly that Scriptures said it would. That the love of many will wax cold; that many will have a form of godliness (going to church and the likes) yet never have a deep running rooted faith but superficial things.
I thought you knew all these! It’s in scriptures!

But what surprises me the most is how people read this and their mouths don’t fall open like “woooow..hollup! Am I not fulfilling scriptures?”

Dear me, I remember once an old friend telling you that the phrase “the world has entered the church” is just funny cos the world has not entered anything (in Yoruba intonation)

The world is the world. The church is the church. (period)

So I hope you fight to stay alive. Day by day, making a decision to remain the church.

And if day by day is too long a time and the doubts come in much more often like mine, I hope you make that decision of every minute..

See you soon, in your next letter, tell me how you’re holding up, will you?
Love xoxo
Me.

CHRISTIANS ARE THE NEW CLOWNS C.A.N., PRESSURE GROUP OR PUPPET SHOW?

I grew up in a place called Ilorin, Kwara state.
Over there is a street called ‘Cocacola road’
Cocacola road is known as a hub for night walkers and prostitutes.

So let me give you a scenario:
Yesterday, I walked past Cocacola road,
and then a rumour starts to spread, about me being a prostitute because someone can swear on his life he saw me on Coca cola road, If I am confronted about this and being interrogated:
“Sharon, are you a night walker?”
Me: No
Were you at Coca cola road yesterday?
Me: Yes
Someone can immediately exclaim..WE SAID IT! WE SAID IT! SHE’S A NIGHT WALKER!

But if I never as much as stepped my feet on cocacola road, and a rumour starts to spread and I am confronted:
Sharon, are you a night walker?
Me: No
Were you at coca cola raod?
I’ll snort and say “Rubbish I wasn’t even on cocacola road yesterday.” No matter the argument they make, I remain convinced and my only talk is: I was never there.

Essence of the story: Rumours might be lies, just like the first scenario but most of the times, a rumour spreads because there is something that traces to it, a link.

So the Christian Association of Nigeria (C.A.N.)
LOL
I swear, e funny baje
They said our C.A.N. leaders collected 40 million naira for transport fare from the President, they came and said
“No, don’t lie on us, it’s 25 million not 40 million”
😂😂😂😂
You see why God will punish us

That’s if we do believe there is a God who punishes sins.

And that’s not all, they even agreed to the fact that the money was shared.
SHAREEED!

So now, our leader is saying, this is an attack on his person. Solve the issue within the house, this action, shameful action should not be exposed. Kai, we are in trouble

The leaders of the Christian body, the christian body who is to be the total representation of love and kindness; these leaders who are aware of the sufferings of communities under terrorism and poverty dared to take millions into their pockets as transport fare,
for them not to have rejected the money in the first place, something is definitely wrong with our senses, its not a spiritual thing.

Communities are being terrorized and help in captive and we don’t mount pressure like other neutral pressure groups, what we do is rub the government on the head, commend them then ask them to do something about the situation.

Shame on us!

Now some will say I’m being so jumpy and forward right?
Who says they are not doing something about the kidnapped girls and terrorized communities,
We are to MOUNT PRESSURE NOT PAT THIER BACKS.
We are the representation of Christ, we are to be the representation of justice.

Some will also say, “Who said they didn’t use the money for the furtherance of the gospel?”

Well, a money already shared as compensation for the stress of their journey from Jupiter to the Aso rock villa was definitely not used for the gospel but for their pockets or their churches, make the church more beautiful and all that stuff.
I’m sure God is irritated.

It seems we Christians as a body and as individuals have forgotten that we are to be down to nothing so as to provide for the poor, DOWN TO NOTHING!

Jesus said to him, “If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.”

So this is for all of us, who claim to be Christians, not just our leaders, God lays a demand on our finances. He requires that we suffer, that we inconvenience ourselves so the poor can have more sufficiently. There might only be little you earn and that’s it people, that’s it! He will lead you to give generously and abundantly from that little.

So when we see our top pastors buying private jets, and they are excused on the grounds of having ministrations to do home and abroad, God is wondering where we’ve thrown his word to, that we come down to nothing for those suffering, those who are internally displaced, those on the streets. Not giving little but much and abundantly.

We are the church, the ones to be the epitome of selfless giving, (giving not to churches and pastors) but draining yourselves dry for the sake of the poor.

He is the Lord and he detests hypocrites.

THE THINGS WE CAN NOT EXPECT IN MARRIAGE – About my Aunt Danielle (A true life story)

Whites and flowers
Bridal train and sleek suits
I do and I do
You may kiss the Bride
And we ate rice.
WEDDING, DONE!

My Beautiful Aunty Danielle married the Dark and Handsome Uncle Tunde.
I never liked him, Uncle Tunde…
I had a strong feeling something will go wrong in the marriage.

Something always goes wrong in situations like this: when a Fine boy marries a Fine girl.. Taaah.

Fairy tales always had hidden tragedies.
They will look cute together but as we will later find out, it is always only on the outside.
Especially fine boys with beards, I TELL YOU, WATCH OUT FOR THEM, ‘EM ASSES BE LIARS!

And I actually knew what will go wrong in the marriage,
HE’LL CHEAT!
Yuuuuuuppp! We even made a bet on it!

I just didn’t like him, but they married alright.
And we were all eagerly expecting the news…
No, not the bad news of her husband cheating on her, (not like I wasn’t expecting that, I really was) but that’s not what I’m referring to.
We were expecting, a child!
And it came sooner than we expected,
I mean didn’t Aunty Danielle get married in July?
And her tummy’s so bulgy in Aug..?
(Okay…forget it. Back to my story)

Aunty Danielle was now pregnant and if you must know, Aunty Danielle is a lush, she never stops talking about herself.
She will talk about how good she looks inspite of her pregnancy and how unlike ‘that other young pregnant woman’ who lives opposite the house, she didn’t have swelling legs and a bulgy nose and she wasn’t gaining extra fat.
“I’m still just fine!”, she’ll exclaim.
I wonder how she never saw people rolling their eyes irritatedly, even I used to be irritated.

And the day came yeah!
Aunty Danielle did give birth and we were glad! When I held the child and looked at his lips, cute was the word. The boy really was fine and of course she made sure to announce it like we couldn’t see.
“Oh, he’s so cute!”

AND TIME PASSED BY…
I had even forgotten my bet on Aunty Danielle’s husband, about him being a cheat.
I had forgotten until one night…

When baby Tofunmi was just about seven months old, they came back home,
Aunty Danielle was crying when I came to call her that the food was ready.
I had never seen her cry before and in all truth, I felt really sorry for her but hadn’t I said before that this will happen!?

I wasn’t surprised at all,
Not untill I heard her blurt out,
“I will not give up my life because of a stupid child”
What child, I thought.

Uncle Tunde walked in “Your child, Danielle. Did you just call your child stupid?”,
she burst into tears and slumped to the chair.
Uncle Tunde tried holding her, “It’s alright, it’s alright”
“So.. I’ll stop modelling?”, she asked
” He’ll need extra care”
“You promised you’ll never make me stop my modelling career”, she burst into tears again,
“And I still won’t, Danielle, will you rather I stayed at home with him? If I did, can I take care of him well enough? Wouldn’t he still need his mother?”

I stood there staring until Aunty Danielle noticed me and with her evil eyes, sent me out of the room.

The next day, I held the child and stared at him.
He isn’t alright?
He is,
or isn’t he?
I looked at his face, small cute nose, a little flat but well…, his eyes were looking up, not at me, up like they were lost.
And then I knew,
He was sick.

FRAGILE X SYNDROME IS ALMOST AS EXACT AS THE DOWN SYNDROME

SIXTY MONTHS LATER(Aunty Danielle’s point of view)

It was the way they looked at him,
The way they smiled at him,
The way they were nice to him, All of it!
All of it made her want to scream!
They looked at him like he was sick,

Yes he is sick alright!
and not the regular sickness, it was the down syndrome.
People smiled extra at him, with compassion.

They’ll buy chocolates for their children then urge their children to give him,
“Go and give Tofunmi part of your chocolate”
and if the child was a bit shy or not willing to do so, you’ll hear them say something like,
“Be a good boy, remember what you were taught in Sunday school”
It irked her!
Like her child was a project to test their christianity or something.

This was not how things were supposed to be,
She was Danielle, married to Tunde.
They were supposed to be a beautiful, perfect family,
with slaying pictures on Instagram.

“I did nothing wrong Lord.

I’ve not done any sin so grievous to make me deserve this

And you said we are sitted with Christ in the heavenly places, how then can witches and wizards affect me there, ‘cos that’s what many people say about these things.

They say it’s the devil. How would the devil have a say in the life of me, a believer”

She sighed. It doesn’t make sense.

UNCLE TUNDE’S POINT OF VIEW

Does God punish the child for the sins of the father?
Was it the pre- marital sex?
But that couldn’t be…
God said if we confess our sins, they are forgiven.

Danielle has stopped going to church.

And it wasn’t about the stress of taking care of a child like Tofunmi, one with the down syndrome, No Fragile X syndrome.
He always corrected Danielle whenever she made the mistake. She hated it,
“He’s sick! Fragile X … down syndrome It does not freaking matter! He’s sick!”

And Tunde will keep quiet.

She was sad and angry, and her sadness touched everything around them, including their marriage.
There was no glow, no spark anymore, 5 years now and he pleads for sex with her. It’s like she was scared any other issue they have will be a sick child.

And although she had resumed work, the sadness remains. Sometimes, Tunde felt it was an ego thing for her.
Something like “how could she, a beautiful girl birth such a child”

One day she had heard a child on the road, tell his mum, “Mummy look at that boy, why is he doing like that, he’s so ugly”

He looked into her eyes that day, she didn’t cry. Her face was stone cold, her pride was hurt.
As far as Tunde was concerned, Tofunmi’s sickness was not the problem in their marriage
Every other thing was.

On week days, he was able to run away from home by going to work.

On weekends, he’ll run to the gym or golfing with his friends

On Sundays, he sometimes went to church.
But he hated church too, sometimes they could be really stupid.

One day the preacher in one of the churches he stumbled into said Christians cannot fall sick, that they should not fall sick, they are under God’s divine health and healing and if they fall sick, they are not filled with enough faith

DAMN! His baby was sick..for life.
But he was going to attend a small church, that of his colleague’s.

GOD IS NOT SILENT ABOUT THESE HARD THINGS
JOHN 9

“And his disciples asked him saying, Rabbi who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind,
Neither this man nor his parents sinned but that the works of God, the purpose of God should be revealed in him”
So God was saying an explanation to the sickness and the suffering lies not in the cause but in the purposes of God.

Suffering only makes ultimate meaning in relation to God.

So its not because Danielle and I had sex before marriage? He forgave us when we confessed.
But what sort of useless purposes does God want to reveal through sicknesses?

So Jesus healed the blind man but later found him in the temple. Jesus asked if he believed in the son of man and the man said he believed, that’s the purpose of God.

So that’s it?
So God healed him so he could believe?
But at least God healed him
God hasn’t healed my son!

But God didn’t heal Paul too.
Paul prayed and the third time he did, God told him his grace is sufficient for him, for in his weakness, he is made strong.
So God shows his glory in healing or sustaining his children that they may trust and believe in him.

” For you have formed my inward parts; you have covered me in my mother’s womb” Ps. 139: 13

So God had foreknowledge of Tofunmi?

“The sufferings of this present time cannot be compared to the Glory that shall be revealed, we wait for the adoption, the redemption of our bodies”

God didn’t keep silent about these issues! And that is a big deal!

Tunde prayed that day.
He drove home that day, fully aware he will gently guide his wife to the purposes of God, to believe and to trust…It will take time but God would make it happen.

“So help me God”, he hit the gear and raced home to Tofunmi.

WAIT!!

I’m not even nervous or anything,

I’m just..

I’m just…

I’m just FREAKING NERVOUS.

For those I really wrong this song for,

1. I trust with all my heart that God will bless you through this song;

2. and it will be a source of comfort to you

3. and it will stand the test of time to you.

It’s the little I can do.

And I do not lie, I sincerely care about you.

Peace

ABOUT THIS ROMANCE THINGY WHY YOU SHOULD GET YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND OR NOT ACTUALLY

It is Valentine! Yup! And Yes! We are celebrating the Romantic kind of love, the one between a man and a woman, Ehn, exactly, that one.

Yes, we know God sent his son

Yes, we know he’s the ultimate love

And no when we said ‘Valentine’, we didn’t say premarital sex (quite different in spelling)😎

But we’re freaking celebrating the freaking Romance.

You’ve got a problem with that..? Jump to heaven and never come back! *clears throat*

*Adjusts tie*

*Sits up straight*

Now, that been said, How was Val?

My Val was exciting, Look at the pictures below:

Have you seen them!😁 I even got gifts from a secret lover, look at the picture too:

Lol, basically no pictures to be shown.

So I agree gifts and dates are not the only ways of expressing love and more so, Valentine’s day is just a day like every other day and you should show love everyday: give and help the needy; this is what we’ve been called to do, LOVE.

Howbeit, I really do not see any problem with a day been picked out (for the fun of it) for us to celebrate love & romance (in particular)

WHY SHOULD ROMANCE BE CELEBRATED AT ALL

Love is the commitment, the responsibility, the deep conviction inside your belly (or heart) that you do love a person.

And then with this comes the rush of hormones, the feeling you get when you lay your head on his shoulder or stroke his beards or cuddle into his arms or interlock your fingers into his, the blushes and smiles, the staring into each other’s eyes,knees turning into water and yes! The sexual urges.

The extent to which God values our sexual desires, He uses Paul to tell us in Scriptures that if you know you will not be able to control yourself from sex, go and get married.

Now that’s not all!

And this is where it gets exciting! In that same Scriptures, Paul was advocating (not as a rule) but in his own wise opinion, that it is better one does not get married so that you can direct your energy, time and passion towards God because when you’re engaged to someone, you MUST (a responsibility from God himself) seek to please your partner and God at the same time. You have a double responsibility of pouring all of yourself to God ‘cos God demands all, yet giving yourself (time, passion, love) to another human being (your partner)

“But this I say brethren, the time is short, so that from now on, so that those who have partners should live as though they had none…He who is unmarried cares about the things of God.. But he who is married cares (also) about the things of the world, how to please his wife” 1 Cor. 7

ISN’T THAT BEAUTIFUL!?

It’s like this, when God put you in a relationship, he is considering you as one who can handle the weight of pleasing him and your partner at the same time. It is such a huge honorable task! I imagine him looking down and tapping you on the shoulder, as a girl or boy and he is saying

“Child, I know you can handle pleasing me and this girl or this boy I’m giving to you. I’ve empowered you to do this!”

God thinks you’re mature enough to do it! I think you should be proud of yourself and make it your aim not to disappoint God.

So what should you do about the sexual urges that come up now ‘cos I tell you, that thing can be so strong!? (Don’t ask how I know…LOL)

Having first established that God honours sex so much he declares it only within the confines of marriage, this is part of the responsibility placed on you, God expects you to carry your sense to your brain😀 and avoid compromising situations.

I Corinthians 7:36 But if any man thinks he is behaving improperly toward his virgin, if she is past the flower of her youth, and this it must be, let him do what he wishes; he does not sin; let them marry

But now since you’ve not made enough money and my sister cannot go and marry into poverty 😂, both of you should do yourselves the good of fleeing all appearances of evil. So I doff my heart.. Sorry ‘my hat’ (I’m sha typing rubbish cos of Valentine😀) to you who are in a relationship, you’re making God super proud being in a relationship yet seeking to glorify him.

Lastly, to my fellow Single brethren in the household of God😁 You know I’m always here for you. Since you’ve read the above, I hope you see clearly how God holds relationships and romance in high esteem.

He wants us for himself

His jealousy is as demanding as the grave He would have preferred you stay unmarried so you can set your heart on him alone but he knows those guys are eyeing you seriously and you want to be cuddled and spoken to, so he says “Alright hon, go get yourself a boyfriend but he must be one who will not hinder you chasing after me.”

AND HERE IS MY GIFT TO YOU FOR THIS VALENTINE!

JOHNNY DRILLE’S LATEST SONG, AWA LOVE

If you know Johnny Drille, then don’t need to talk much

https://9jaflaver.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/02/Johnny_Drille_Awa_Love_9jaflaver.com_.mp3

WHEN YESTERDAY SEEMS BETTER…

WRITER’S BLOCK AND LOST GLORIES

So what is a writer’s block? According to the American dictionary, a writer’s block is the inability to begin or continue a piece of writing, normally temporarily. But you see, these guys are only making it sound tush and better than it is.

What really is a writer’s block?

A writer’s block is when your brain is blocked (full stop) Basically, your brain is done for!😀 You feel dumb and blank and you will take a pen and rack your brain but mba, nothing will happen.

Before now, I used to think I knew what a writer’s block really meant. You know, It feels cool when you’re talking to a friend and you say “I’m having a writer’s block” It makes you feel like you’re a professional writer or something. But I’m sure if writer’s block were a person, he will be looking at me back then like,

AND PEPPER I DID SEE!

For I did experience a writer’s block, more of a mental breakdown actually. I had just finished with school and did not graduate with the grades I thought I would.

They say that when one is having a writer’s block, the human brain will “shift control from the cerebral cortex to the limbic system and then, it is because this cerebral cortex is not able to function in its full capacity, hence a person is also not able to be as creative as one should be. Anyways, I think my own cerebral cortex was even totally destroyed.

I could not write even short quotes to post on Instagram, talk less of the blog articles.

Do you ever feel like you’ve lost something and can’t seem to be able to get it back? Perhaps you feel like you were finer or more beautiful at one point in your life than you are now (Lol, that’s so petty)

Or rather, you feel you had things going and planned out well, but things are not quite in place anymore. Probably because of a mistake you made or just life’s many twists and everyone else seems to be doing just fine and moving on with their lives but your life seems stagnant and stuck or slow. Then, I am glad you’ve joined me here.

I believe there is no situation you go through as a believer (and otherwise) that is not known and allowed by God. Nothing happens to you outside the knowledge and will of God.

Yes, this means that I also believe that when you make a mistake, you will bear the consequences, oh you will! But even those consequences have been well known by God and will be used to draw you into a deeper relationship with him and make you trust him the more. So to God, the situation is already a win-win because the most important thing is that you may know him.

“And this is eternal life, that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom you have sent” John 17:3

And the Lord is so excited about eternity, that he has planted it in our heart’s already. We start now! Knowing him!

So for example, a girl got herself pregnant, Oh.. Her bad! Ugly situation yh?

Consequences: she would have to go through the early stress of fending for a child but oh! even this seemingly bad situation will be worked out by God for the deepening of her character, to bring about a closer walk with him.

Oh you failed your exams,

you don’t have a job yet,

you are depressed,

he broke up with you,

family problems;

See!

“It is good for me that I have been afflicted that I may learn your statutes…I know O Lord that your judgements are right, And that in faithfulness, you have afflicted me” Psalm 119:71 & 75

Did you freaking read that!

Those things that seem like afflictions, scratch that, those things that are afflictions are all so you can know him. He is much more interested in you knowing him than in your ‘comfort’. God wants to see you come to trust in him for everything.

Look at something else! Paul was talking to the Philippian Church,

“But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy to you shortly”, a few verses later he writes again “I trust in the Lord that I myself shall also come shortly”

So four months later, here I am. I literally trust God to order my brain so I can write stuff, and the things I’ve written in these times have been the ones I’m most grateful for.

You’ll be buried to grow,

You’ll go through fire to be golder

And God is not promising that the heat will get colder,

for God deals with you as with sons, for what son is there who a father does not chasten,

so do not be discouraged when you are rebuked by the Lord for whom the Lord loves he chastens.

It’s alright for yesterday to seem better than your today, so far as today is more godly.

AND IT DOESN’T END THERE!

*drum roll*

*chuckles*

*Sommersaults*

I have a gift for you.. Yuuuup!

I have two actually,

A song titled: Free fall and another titled: I need your light.

You see, I am very confused.

Both are deep and profound, and if you ask for my advice on which to pick, I don’t know!

I really love ‘free fall’ but I have a feeling some of you might prefer ‘I need your light’ and I’m not bothered BOTH ARE DOPE!

Please take it as my treat to you. You’ll be glad you listened. Download below! Singer is Manne

Freefall- https://www.reverbnation.com/thisismanne/song/29028953-freefall

I need your light

https://www.reverbnation.com/thisismanne/song/29028959-i-need-your-light

THE REASON THAT GIRL IS NOW IN A RELATIONSHIP AND YOU’RE STILL SINGLE

So you came here so I’ll tell you the reason you’re still single.. 😂 How can I do that!? Heck! I don’t even know why I am still single myself! Or did you think I’ll tell you about how you’re not doing one thing or the other right? (Lol, we’ll prolly talk about that later) But you see, sometimes I’ve almost concluded that this ‘long singlehood life’ of a thing is destined for some people. It’s like it has been prophesied many years ago before they even came into existence and there is absolutely nothing they can do about it!😂 Lol, they know themselves, those girls who have become strong holds in the single hood kingdom, Queens and Deaconesses (Do you notice how I keep writing ‘they’, I refuse to be counted in the number😂)

but who am I deceiving right!?

Full stop😀

So the prophecy about their single life is something like this:

In the sixth day of the Hesphecus month, in the year the Nation, Israel was delivered from slavery in the hands of the Babylonians.

Behold, a star arose in the dark sky. It stood out amongst others, Oh! it twinkled like a subtle harmless firefly, yet it shone as bright as the sun in all its glory.

The Babylonian king, Jemahkolongeshadiah (Don’t be distracted. Focus! We’re still on the story, that’s how ancient names usually sound😁) Now this Babylonian King, (whose name I cannot type again😁) asked for all the wise men in the land of Babylon to invoke their different gods for the interpretation of this special star.

The king was greatly troubled at the sight of the star and he promised a reward to whomever of the wise men could give a correct interpretation. Many of the wise men were greatly thrilled at the thought of a reward from the king, so they connived and decided to deceive the king.

They reported that the star meant that the king would have a peaceful and unforgettable reign marked with wealth and glorious abundance but the king, who was a man of wisdom was not satisfied with their report for he had a strong inclination that the star had a bad omen.

So he summomed for another wise man, the one they call ‘the Aged one’ to come give his own interpretation of the star. It was he who said the truth about the star.

He performed some rituals and spat out suddenly, in disgust. He shook his head and performed the ritual again. Then he looked up and said, “My king, this is a bad sign” The king leaned forward, eager to hear what the Aged one had to say.

He spat out again and looked around, “My king, I request that everyone in this room be asked to leave, this issue is a grave one”

The king ordered all to leave the room. The Aged one looked straight ahead as if lost in a trance,

“In the 21st century, more than six thousand years to come; in the one thousandth, one hundredth and ninety ninth year to be precise. At that time, there will be birds like machines flying in the sky, things will be much more advanced than it is now. In fact, fire will live in tiny boxes and will be able to light up whole rooms and palaces” The King was amazed.

The Aged wise man then shouted suddenly, “Now“, his eyes were still straight ahead, fixed on nothing in particular, “even at that time, love will exist as we have now, but…” The king was scared and expectant, ‘but what? Oh wise one. You can tell me what it is”

The Aged one shook his head, “my mouth cannot say this”

The king was running out of patience, “Aged one, speak now”, he roared

“Behold, a girl will be born“, the Aged one stopped again.

The king was scared, “She’ll destroy the world?”, he asked. “Tell me, will she destroy the world? “

The Aged one shook his head, “much worse, much worse, my King… You see, love and marriages will still be in existence at that time but you see, no matter how hard anyone tries, she will be single. The gods have spoken!”

“and what’s her name Oh Aged one?”

“and the girl’s name shall be”

*drums roll*

* Sound Effect* (Nolly wood film sound Effect)

“Her name shall be”

“PAULA”

😂😂😂

Now to be serious, I have seen many single girls worry about how and why they are still single, now I’m not saying its long been prophecied but I do know that what ever period you’re in, single or in a relationship, you’re there because it is God’s purpose and will.

Sometimes, I see how single girls talk about other girls who are in relationships, you’ll hear them say:

‘God is preparing me, let other girls be cuddling. When mine happens, it will be more glorious‘

Lol, I doubt it.

You see, it isn’t anyone’s fault you’re still single, you’re single because God wills it to be so and she’s in a relationship because God wills it to be so. No one’s hindering another.

Don’t be like:

God’s work doesn’t stop when you get into a relationship. In fact, being in a relationship is a good ground for the Lord.

There, you’ll see how flawed you are and how incapable of loving the way God wants us to and how much you need him because the human love, no matter how romantic and sweet can’t fill that thing inside of us called our soul.

Now to the single girls, do not be anxious. I know there are days you’ll definitely be. Oh, days when the loneliness will hit you and you’ll want to break and you’ll be wondering if there is one particular reason the gods are against you.. Lol. You’ll feel like

Other Girls be cuddling and going out on dates but you be setting your eyes on Jesus and Jesus himself is tired of you setting your eyes on him, he be like “girl, just leave me alone, go get yourself a cat or something😂

Now it begs the question, Is it only single girls who get lonely and depressed?

No!

Girls in relationships also feel lonely.

How does God want us to deal with our feelings of loneliness ?

You see, sometimes and indeed many times, loneliness will get you under and you’ll feel depressed and no matter how much any motivational speaker screams, Humph!

You’re depressed and that’s it. 😁

but soon you’ll realize that you actually can rise up and do something with your lonely feelings. I know about how people get bored and lonely and then resort to staying hours on the phone, trying to ‘chat the feeling and time away’ but

Hey! Do not waste your boredom! Do not waste that lonely feeling! God uses every feeling, of loneliness, boredom, love to draw us closer to himself cos he wants us to find our joy in him only and not in a person.

– It is in your dark and lonely times, you get to see a depth of you you never knew existed, depression could take you real low and God wants to meet us particularly in our lowest moments. The scriptures searches the deepest parts of your heart and in times like this, you could find joy by yourself, with God. He could teach you how to occupy yourself and your time so you won’t be everywhere and nowhere, online and on whatsapp, wanting someone to help you fix your boredom.

Whether you’re single or in a relationship, he continues to sharpen your character for his glory.

HELLO SINGLE GIRL

HELLO SINGLE GIRL!

How the single hood been!?

You holding up good?!

I hope traffic’s been tight!?

Lol

I am BAAAAAAAACK!

And I have good news!

Good news people!

So guess what!

Guess! For real!

Okay, You know this is the Chronicles of a single girl post so the good news definitely has to do with my relationship status! Oya Guess Guess!

I’m so shy to tell you guys but this is it!

I

 

AM

 

 

 

STILL

 

SINGLE!

Lol!

Yes!

Single With a capital ‘S’ my people

As black as Charcoal, As single as Paula.

My brother said, if it’s not single, it’s not Paula!

So I’ve been away for about two months and I intend being more real with you guys on the chronicles of a single girl series, than I was before I stopped updating you. You know what that means!?

More and sincere truth about the single girl Iife, You can count on me!

So the single life hasn’t been easy. My friend who was in this with me and who I use to look at and be encouraged, just found a boyfriend. It shocked me gidi gaan.

So I’ll ask what has been on my mind for so long. In all humility and on behalf of other girls in the single hood, I ask:

‘HOW!?’

‘HOW DO Y’ALL DO IT?’

You are single today and before we blink, BOOM! You’ve bagged yourself a fine boy. How!

Where exactly do you even meet them?, On the street of your house!? Where do you live!?

Or do you meet them in the presence of the Lord!? Then what church do you attend?

Or do you spray some real classic perfumes or wear some Gucci stuff!?

We need to know!

So my Cool Aunty decided to take the position of the Almighty Psychologist and tell me why I’m still single. She shared with me how she met her husband.

She met her husband, one glorious evening! On her way to church.

She said church was by 5 o’ clock so she left home at 4.30p.m and as she approcahed the junction of the house, THERE HE WAS! IN ALL HIS GLORY!  IN HIS CAR! ABOUT TO ZOOM OFF!

She said if she had not appeared at that particular moment, HE WOULD HAVE GONE! ZOOMED OFF! OUT OF HER GRIP! AWAY FROM HER HEART! GONE FOREVER! NEVER TO BE FOUND!😂😂😂😂

Then she turned to me and asked, ‘Paula, what time did you get to church yesterday?’

‘Ma?’

‘What time did you get to church yesterday’, she repeated.

’20 minutes past five or something’, I answered

‘What time were you to get there?’

‘5 o’ clock’, I replied

Then she dropped the bomb shell!

 ‘You will never have a boyfriend! 

I was shocked!

‘Yes! It’s not a curse. You will never have a boyfriend, when your boyfriend has passed before you came out of the house’

Good Lord!

I was amazed! She had always complained I never make it early to appointments, but this new twist she put to it just left me dumbfounded.

So I decided to start going early to places. So now, if you see me making it early to appointments, it’s so I won’t miss my future husband in case he drives by in his Mercedes S650 Carviollet!

But people, it’s been two months, there is no husband. No car, No Beetle car sef, Oh, there was a day I was standing by the junction with the same Aunt, waiting for a bike, this guy drove by and he stopped, rolled down the car window and asked for the direction to the club house near our place.

So I looked at my Aunty and asked sarcastically, ‘abi, that’s your husband’s prodigy, the one I’ll marry?’

She shook her head profusely.

The worse part of it all is that after imbibing the attitude of going early to places, it’s the day I get early to a place that the people I’ve made appointments with will choose to come late or have some excuses.

So Basically people, THIS LIFE DON’T PAY!

(Just kidding)

I think one lesson to be learnt from this is:

We all want to get into relationships, get married and all, but there are many behaviours we have and exhibit that doesn’t fit ladies who are ready to build homes. This is not only for single ladies because we all must keep learning even in marriage.

For example, not being responsible enough to make it early to appointments, because of our need to make up and have long baths. The question is this, what happens when other responsibilities kick in?

Another example is how we can be so cranky or rather how I can be so cranky. My family brought that to my attention some time ago. Actually, we all have different flaws that we could work on so as to become better people. Am I asking that you get better just for a guy, because of marriage? Nooooo! I think we all know already that the ultimate goal is not marriage but  the perfection of our individual characters.

As a Christian, I believe I deserve to be the best of myself- put to maximum use the sacrifice of Christ on the cross, Hunhun!. I usually put it to myself this way: I’ll become the ‘Disney movie Christian’

Have you read, Colossians 3: 12? It says:

‘You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You just forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. And to all these qualities add live, which binds all things together in perfect unity’

I tell you, when I read such verses of scripture, I understand even more how much I must give in to God daily, sacrificing my SELF.

P.S. I still suck at getting early to places, and I can be cranky at times especially when you disturb me while I’m sleeping (DON’T TRY IT!)

Heaven knows I have much more gist for y’all and I’ve not even gotten to the jimjim part. Next week, I’ll be answering a very frequent question:

‘Paula why are you still single!?

Do you single girls enjoy being single and feel it’s cool or something!?’

Lol..Let’s wait till next week for the gist abeg!

HARD LESSONS I LEARNT

Heyyyy!

Usually, when bloggers stop blogging for a while and then resume, their first statement will be

‘I’m back, who missed me!’ 

But if I ask such, some will be like,

‘😏Who you epp!?’

So lemme just be sober and humble as I say:

‘Good evening to you all, I hope you’re all fine?’

*looses it!*

I’m back! I’m freaking back! WHO MISSED ME!? 😁😁😁

No one? 😕 Humph! I missed us sha and the Chronicles of a single girl updates too’

Incase you’re wondering where I’ve been all these while?

Honey, I’ve been across the seven great hills and dark valleys and I bring you greetings from the Great one beyond the river. I also bring you the seven sacred messages hidden in the white scroll which I retrieved from the mouth of a fire breathing dragon sitted in the highest pinnacle of the ancient tower of Zuzu😀.

In short: I’ve been about life (or so I think)

School x2

Family

Church

And the last, which is the reason for this blog post, the Art show I organized.

But before I go on, these are the seven sacred messages from the white scroll, which I retrieved from the mouth of the dragon at Zuzu. It reads thus:

Message 1. LIFE IS VANITY

Message 2. LIFE IS VANITY

Message 3. VANITY UPON VANITY

Message 4. LIFE IS VANITY

Message 5. LIFE IS VANITY

Message 6. LIFE IS VANITY

And the last one,

Message 7. LIFE IS VANITY

How did this truth get stamped into my being again, I repeat:

 I ORGANIZED AN ART SHOW!

Yeeeah!

It was called ‘Straight from the heart‘

It had to do with spoken word and rap. In fact, I tagged it ‘The best of spoken word and rap’ GhenghenGhenGhen!😀

Did people come for the show? YES

Did I receive support from people, friends and family? YES

Will I organize it a second Time?

NO!

Let me skip the beginning of the whole story where my friend whom I call mentor knocked me back into my dream of having an art show and also the part of asking for sponsorship and the somewhat stress and lonely walks that came with it.

My story will begin from some days to the program. It goes like this:

I’m sitting on the bed, staring at loose sheets of papers and my phone. I’ve been trying to put a spoken word piece together but It was NOT making sense. NOT! NOT! NOT! (People of God, the nonsense it was making is very large) then as that is happening, one of the artist who is supposed to perform at the event messages me via whatsapp.

Prior to this time, I had pleaded that every artist send the words of his/her spoken word piece or rap so I’ll know how to organize all presentations.

The idea was that all performances be arranged so we know after which performance another performance is best to come up, probably based on the theme of the previous performance etc.

So this artist messages me to inform me she has changed the piece she actually planned on performing and worse of all, she is not going to send the words because she doesn’t want it projected.

And I’m like ‘ARE YOU KIDDING ME!’

I had a feeling she actually had not written the piece at all, hence the talk that she didn’t want it projected. I also had a piece I was still trying to put together but that was because I had other pieces already and I really wanted to perform this one.

‘DOES SHE WANT TO RUIN MY SHOW!?’

I  cup my face in my hands and sigh:

WHO ASKED ME TO DO THIS!?

WHO SENT ME WORK!?

WHO SENT ME WORK!?

Then I stifle a cry with my hands and want to burst into tears, but I hear a voice say to me:

‘abeg..abeg..pack yourself together, this is not the time to be doing drama’

I was like ‘what?’

He continued, ‘No time for drama of tears and stifled screams’

So I remove my hands from my mouth, sit up and keep writing the spoken word piece, which is already giving me a head ache and also which, I wasn’t even able to present it on the day of the program, after all the ‘wahala’.

Many other ‘fuck ups’ happened; but the interesting part of all these for me was posting online and telling people about the program with just as much enthusiasm, even when the excitement was being sapped out because really, it’s your problem (I mean if you were me)

It was probably a day to the program I actually realized in all my preparations for the show, I had forgotten to think deeply about the spoken word pieces I was going to perform, I was shivering already. I had some performances already but they were attached to a reason, like the first one which was a spoken word piece to welcome the audience and another one on masturbation, but I had not given deep thoughts to the major ones that will be solo.

My head ached as I tried completing the piece I was on so as to try to meet up but poooof! Nothing was forth coming. Mom later came to the rescue as she reminded me since the program was being professionally recorded, I needed to do an old piece of mine too. So I worked a way around it all, at the last minute.

Now, this brings me to the day of the program,

I woke up that day feeling like ‘notinnn do me!’

What could possibly go wrong

Venue – Check

Sound- Check

Spoken word pieces- Check

Refreshment- Check

You know how you feel like you’ve got your life together, igzaily!

I got into my high waist jean trousers, stripped shirt and new cute footwear,  looking all hot and sturvs (I actually looked hot, my brother said it…Well, he didn’t really say it but you know? I just knew he felt so, but don’t bother asking him, he won’t agree)

So I went to the venue, feeling like CEO, looking at those decorating and humbly asking questions, making orders, pointing fingers at the chairs and tables like ‘can’t we arrange it this other way? ‘ ‘Oh, no?… well, it’s your job. Do it the way you think it best, Oh…Don’t arrange the drinks there, take it somewhere else, be quick about that etc.’

I had it all planned out in my head. The first spoken word piece to start the program will be

‘WELCOME TO THE MASQUERADE SHOW’

That spoken word piece was LIT (or so it was supposed to be) I was going to put on a mask which looked exactly like cinderalla’s mask (the Cinderella version of Sam and Austin Ames. I hope you watched that version of Cinderella story when you were younger. The guy who acted prince charming is the same who acted Lucas and the cinderalla is the Haley in the movie series One tree hill ) Anyways, that’s it sha.

The plan was to let the Anchors do their job from 5.00 -5.30 p.m. where they break the ice among the audience, make the place lively, take pictures. Meanwhile, The screen of the projector will read

‘YOU ARE WELCOME, PLEASE HAVE YOUR SEAT’

So everyone who comes by 5p.m feels like we have already started when in actual fact, we would start by 5.30.

Another thing which made me so excited was my piece on fear,also a LIT one. It has blessed me in a million ways and I am always glad to share it with people. There was also the piece on masturbation, *stifles a chuckle* (LOL) I love that one! (You can call me a pervert, I’m not, ARGUABLY..LOL)

The last thought that made me so excited aside the piece of the artists who were going to was my duet as a married couple, that piece was filled with sarcasm and fun.

Anyways, this is where it all started.

The people who were to set up the sound system came late. They had given me a deadline of 4.00p.m for everything to be set. But before 3.00 p.m, they had not even arrived. (The time I give in this write up may not be precise ‘cos my head wasn’t settled)  I was staring at the laptop and trying my best not to look at my phone so I won’t cry because I knew time was far gone and they were not around. When the young man in charge came at around 3’o clock, he had to wait for others to arrive, he infact had to leave to get them!  My people, I had died inside of me! I had gone to hell, was rejected and returned. I was freaking scared.

But hold on, they later arrived and set up quickly before or about 5.00p.m. So now, you think the program should start as planned right? Yes? NO!, the next worse thing happened!

‘THE ENGINE OF THE SOUND SYSTEM BLEW UP…UhnUhn! Blew up! As in, it stopped working! Aren’t my village people just wonderful!? (Lol..just kidding)

My people, this time, I actually died.

So we started, without microphones or any other equipment, just the voices of those anchoring who had to be loud enough for the audience to hear them.

Then after 5.30 p.m, they fixed it again but people, the sound coming out of the microphone was like water that is at its boiling point or the sound inside thermocool flask. Let me imitate the sound for you

‘ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo ooo oooooooo ooooooooooooooooo’

Yourubas will actually say ‘Oun O’

You get it?! LOL

So when I finally did the ‘Welcome to the masquerade show’ performance, the sound was still shaky and unstable as the waters (LOL) and that was personally, the first mess up, because to me, all people really saw was someone in a beautiful mask and another person in a white garment acting as Jesus, they almost couldn’t hear us.

But I had a show to run, so I couldn’t be let down by such. We gotta move on! Right?

So performances started rolling in, it was going fine. I performed an old piece too, Fine.

Then we got to the part where we were discussing masturbation with the resource persons. The piece went great and the session was interesting.

However, those in charge of refreshments decided to start sharing the snacks at that particular time and then, the noise began. I was lost for what to do. I sent a few friends to quiet those at the back because the noise buzzed to the front and was so distracting and painful (Remember all you read here is from my perspective, so ‘painful’ is the word)

I had to stand up at a point to see what was happening. It was this kind of noise where you can’t pin point where it’s coming from exactly because everyone is talking. So I walked up to people I knew, just two because I had to go back to my seat.

Then BOOM LAKA LAKA BOOM!

It happened again!

The sound system stopped working!

This time, I just sat down and stared. I was legit lifeless.

In case you’re wondering if I paid for the sound system, Yes I did.

In their defense however, let me say it happened to be one of those times people actually mean well but things don’t work out the way they want it to. Shit happens yh?

So finally, we came to the end of the show, after all the wahala, walking about, making sure the instrumentalists and sound tracks of artists were ready, having to answer questions here and there from people, some artists not doing as best as I would have wanted them to, me performing just once, cleaning the place up; So we came to the end of the show and this was how I felt:

Wasted and stupid

Stupid and useless

Stupid and foolish

Wasted and Useless

Stupid and Stupid

Specimen ‘Failure’ 12.0 Upgraded version😁

Up till I spoke up, then two friends in particular made me realize, it wasn’t all that terrible and if at all it was, I am one failure away from my goal.

So I’ve learnt some lessons:

Number 1 lesson: When you’re organizing your show, be sure to pay attention to yourself. If you can trust yourself, make sure you perform a reasonable number of times.

Number 2 lesson: (You need to calm down in reading this, so you don’t misunderstand me)

If you want to organize a show or even if not, fear is not good, fear is never good. Do not be afraid people won’t attend your show. This was my first fear. It made me give out tickets to people hoping they pay later which did not allow me to be precise on the exact number of people who will be around. Then it made me have many people in the crowd who came just to catch up on old folks, hence the noise. A friend suggested that registration next time be online, it might reduce the crowd but you really don’t need crowd as much as you need people who will enjoy the art you have prepared.

Number 3 lesson: Remember once again that fear is never good. I was also scared that the time allocated to the program, three hours will be too much and that was made me allow many artists, some even impromptu (Mind you, this was because I had earlier not prepared myself well for presentations)

The thing is on days of events, time flies

much more than you think, shit also happens. Be extra mindful of those you will have on your stage; no sentiments involved and no fear informing your decisions too.

Number 4 lesson: Pay more attention to your sound engineers (LOL)

Finally, remember, I said all is vanity. Its this: The only person worth your sweat and ache is the Lord, listen to him. People will say stuff, LISTEN, LISTEN to God. It is a verified fact that after achieving major feats, like getting a degree, having a successful wedding etc., depression would often kick in. This is what makes you realize even more that the activities and busyness cannot satisfy our deep longings.

This is what made me realize even more that only God has the ability to ever satisfy. Run back to God.

Watch out for this space-

BIG THINGS ARE COMING!

Over and OUT!

For pictures and videos: Follow me on Instagram: @iamsharonpaula

Twitter: @iamsharonpaula

P.S. I have not mentioned names in this post because I musn’t try it. I have people I’m grateful to and these people know themselves. You are my treasures.

YOU ARE THE BEST.

THE NOISY THIRD PARTIES WE LOVE SO MUCH

They are like the ants Chasing drops of cookies They enclose it and stick on Not leaving till it empties out

They are like waterfalls Dropping constantly on the stone edge Not stopping but cleaning  out A spot to brighten its path

They are those you don’t want But let stay They make pies and tell lies In trusting distrust Remaining only for love

JEREMIAH

What happens in every relationship is that at some point your lives start to intersect. First you are two separate people with two separate lives that are running parallel to each other, not even aware the other person exists and then you meet and like octopuses your lives start wrapping around each other, one strong tentacle at a time.

Leg one, that’s the family wrapping around you, getting to know you. Leg two, that’s the sharing of your work concerns and all of a sudden they are the shoulder you lean on. Leg three, that’s your friends becoming their friends. Once you were two groups, and now you’re one big, boisterous, increasingly incestuous entity (once your friends start dating their friends). Leg four, that’s life- stories from their childhood, teenage crushes, village drama, hopes and dreams- all of these things about someone else that suddenly becomes part of your own mental timeline, until you two are now kind of one except in the biblical sense.

You see where I am going right? It’s a lot. It’s exhausting. It’s a distraction. I try to avoid it and I’ve pretty much succeeded in doing so these past 28 years. Don’t get me wrong, my problem has never been with the women. It’s with everything outside of them. I am a one woman, one man, type of man. That means, no family, no friends, no pets. I just want to get into a ‘You and me’ bubble and enjoy that. Not so bad, right? At this point, I’m sure the shrinks in the room will try to connect this to my family. Child of divorce avoids entanglements. Blah blah blah. I am just going to lean back and smile at that one. I wish I was that deep.

With Sarah, it’s different. I should have expected that. You guys saw it coming, right? She’s different so it follows that everything else is different and doesn’t work out so easily.

She is at my door, looking hot in ripped jeans and an orange t-shirt that says ‘call me pretty one more time.’ I’m standing in the doorway, acutely aware that behind me, Timu and Lanre are trying to get a good look at her. I wish I had called to cancel. But the truth is I didn’t want to. I wanted to see her. A month and a half in and I like seeing her. I like all these layers I’m pulling off one by one. If that means I have to suffer through her meeting these idiot, toh.

“Am I standing outside? Is there a side chick inside wearing your shirt and no underwear?” She asks.

I laugh. Random thought: she should wear glasses. I can see it now. Twenty years from now she will wear glasses, silver streaks in her hair, mom weight, she’ll be beautiful.

“She might be the main chick,” I say. The beginning of a frown creases her forehead. Not funny? Okay, time to move on quickly.

“My friends are here. They went to the club last night and came here to crash.”

“Oookay,” she says, her eyes flitting behind me. “Should I go?”

“I’m just warning you. They have issues.”

She smiles as if she is equipped to handle all issues. I step aside and let her into the dimly lit living room. The curtains are closed. The lights are off. The guys are lying on the two sofas in front and to the side of the TV which they were watching at high volume. Now they’re looking at her like idiots with no home training.

I eye them from behind her and Lanre reduces the TV volume and sits up on the chair.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” she replies. Her voice has gone kind of low. I move to her side. She’s making a small attempt at a friendly smile. Oh my goodness, is she shy?

She doesn’t really have to say much – What’s up? Nice to meet you. Oh, you’re watching the most recent season of Game of Thrones, that’s cool- and they are both looking impressed at how pretty she is. It’s a nice pretty, but there’s more to her than that.

We drift away from them to the second room in the house. My reason for getting her here. She looks at the empty space I told her I’d like her to paint. I doubt I’ll ever actually use this room. I’m barely in my bedroom, talk less of this one, but sometimes you just want a conversation with a girl in a quiet place without food or a gigantic movie screen. If she has to paint this place for me to get it, I’m good with that.

“I don’t know why they paint rooms this ugly blue colour. It’s so depressing,” she squeezes her nose in distaste.

I nod, watching her look around, and try to imagine how an artist sees this place. Wawu. Saying artist always make you sound pretentious… As pretentious as when I tell people I’m a chef. A chef and an artist…. how epic is that combination?

“Are you sure you can paint this place without the landlord’s approval?” she asks.

I nod. “I’ll just repaint it when I’m leaving.”

She looks at me. “I haven’t painted a grown up’s place in a long time.”

“You can paint cartoons. I won’t complain.”

She smiles. “You were born in the 80’s right? Simpsons, Tom and Jerry, Sesame Street.”

“I think I’d prefer Barbie. Just get her proportions right.”

She laughs and throws a balled up tissue at me. Hmm. I wonder where that came from… what do I care, it’s from Sarah.

We talk for a long time, sitting on the bare floor in the room. I think she’s expecting me to make a move on her, but I don’t.  We make our way back out to the parlour eventually and she sits with the boys.

“Guy, we’re hungry,” Timu says.

That’s my cue. I leave them.

SARAH

This is a list of things that this day was not:

An excuse to get me to his house to “further the relationship.” Ehem.

What I expected. I obsessed about this last night until I had a headache (is this innocent or is this something else, cue side eye). What I didn’t expect was that there would be other people when I arrived. If I did, I might have tried to look cuter.

Comfortable. His friends stared for Africa. One of them checked out my ass as I left the room… or maybe the remote really fell and he was twisting his neck looking for it.

Again, comfortable.  In the parlour, when Jeremiah went to cook, his friends became bad cop and good cop. Timu peppered me with all kinds of questions; Where do I stay? My job, do I make a lot of money? Like how much exactly? Where am I from? What’s my surname? Am I those Aniekans? What kind of music and movies do I like? By the time he was done it felt like the prison scenes in American movies, where they probe them anally. At this point we have to get married or my bride price will reduce. The other one, Lanre, was just exceptionally polite. He asked if I wanted anything. If I wanted to watch something different. If I would like to play cards. He’s like the village wife to jerk city rich guy.

Bad. I had errands afterwards that kept me in the sun most of the day, but I hummed through it all. You know it’s a good day when you’re humming.

 

SARAH

I tried to keep the worlds from colliding for as long as possible. I thrive in chaos. Everything chaotic, messy, smudged together like a painting, glorious and beautiful because they are free and devoid of limitations. But in this case I wanted to keep the worlds separate for as long as possible. Just Jeremiah and I, away from everyone and every other part of my life before they inevitably connect and all the crap from the other area start to seep into this one, staining us and giving us baggage.

I’m not exactly sure how we ended up here. It started with me and my sister, Sandra, sitting at a table by the pool of a hotel where her boyfriend works; her eating a burger and me eating chips and fish. She is once again trying to get me to get a ‘proper’ job. It is coming out of her mouth but it is really Ma’s words. Ma has shoved her hand through the back of her head and is moving her mouth like a puppet.

We are complete opposites. She is wearing a black skirt suit and heels and looks so serious she could be a widow, and I am here in my sandals and strapless dress, looking like her younger sister and not the older one. I don’t know when I became such a disappointment. I really don’t.

I’m texting Jennifer and Efe who are not too far away from the hotel. I beg them, “Because of God, please show up like it’s a coincidence so she can stop talking.”

They’re good friends so twenty minutes later they show up, exclaim in surprise, put their hands on their chests, hug my sis as if they love her, and join us at the table.

As I hoped, my sister changes the subject to something less heavy. With other people around she is actually quite funny. We eat and laugh. I’m trying to cram the last fork of chips into my mouth when someone appears by my side. I look up, mouth still too full and chewing, and see Jeremiah. I won’t lie. It feels like karma. I asked these girls to show up like it’s a coincidence and God sends me this one by coincidence as a punishment.

I choke down the food in my mouth. Smile like I am happy to see him. Introduce him to everyone at the table who are looking up at him extremely curious. My sister especially. She has that look that says, ‘den den den, I will tell mommy for you.’ All the while I am thinking, can you feel that? Hear that?

That’s the sound of carnage as the worlds collide.

We all end up sitting together, four girls and one him. He is laid back in his chair, he laughs easily, but I can sense he is a little bit uncomfortable. He endures their questions about what he does. Their exclamations about knowing his workplace. Their dumb jokes about him not needing a wife because he can cook -with that one I see the corner of his eyes tighten and his nose scrunch. “Oh well, I’m not marrying because I need a cook.”

They ask him why he would marry, what qualities he’s looking for (spec), if his family won’t have any objections to him marrying someone from a different tribe. I keep trying to step in and steer the conversation in another direction, but these witches refuse to be thwarted. I give up and let this play out.

Eventually, his phone rings and he answers it. When he hangs up, he looks at us, “My friend is here.” I nod. They all make a fuss about how it was nice to meet him. He reaches out and squeezes my hand and kind of holds it, looking at me. I am smiling at him. I know these girls are watching us with stupid grins. He leaves us and only after he’s gone do I realize how tense I was. I relax into the chair. Look around until my gaze meets my sister’s.

“He’s nice,” she says.

“Yeah,” I say, attempting to sound nonchalant, as if I don’t care about her or anyone else’s opinion. I will do what I want to do. But deep down I know that’s not quite true. It’s the same reason I don’t read movie reviews. Because as much as we would all like to think we are strong, unshakeable entities, all it really takes is one voice in our heads to make us question ourselves.

JEREMIAH

Here’s a list of things that today was:

Uncomfortable. That’s all.